Becoming Jill: Adventures in Adulthood

Chapter 14: In Which I Have Various Panic Attacks in Public
November 14, 2010, 1:42 pm
Filed under: Depression, Updates

So, I have been on the Cymbalta for a few weeks now. The most noticeable difference is all the BATSHIT CRAZY DREAMS. I have never been a big dreamer, or at least, I rarely remember the ones that I have. One weird side-note: most of my dreams are narrated.  Anyway, since day 1 of the Cymbalta, my nights have been filled with rape, murder, kidnap, and general mayhem. I wake up in the middle of the night, hyperventilating, with every muscle in my body clenched in terror. Fun, huh?

Apparently this is an unofficial side-effect of many antidepressants, but not one I had encountered with any of the others I have tried. According to my psychiatrist, they should abate eventually… in the meantime, I have a nifty new anti-anxiety/sleeping medication to take a bedtime that should hopefully help. It did ok the first night, but last night was pretty terrifying… sigh.

In other news, every time I go out in public, I have a panic attack! I know you’re jealous. These have been induced by: being squished on the bus, having people stand too close to me in line, and having to wait for my prescription at the chaotic Target pharmacy. Let’s hope these anti-anxiety drugs start working, STAT!

We had a pretty terrific snow storm yesterday, hooray! I love winter, and I love snow, so this all makes me quite excited. We probably got about a foot of very wet, very heavy, very slippery snow. When I tried to venture out to perform some cat-sitting duties, I promptly slid straight off the road. Luckily, I was able to extricate myself without the aide of a tow-truck! Since I had not made it fully 4 blocks from the apartment, I decided Karen and Jeremy’s cats could fend for themselves for a day, and went home.

I love looking out the windows and seeing everything all fluffy and clean and white! I know that later in the winter, there will be times when the snow on the sides of the road is dirty and icky, but for now, I can revel in the beauty and peacefulness.


View out my window. Note the plowed-in car... sucker!

But not for long! Early in the morning, the kitties and I will be loading up the car and heading south for a few weeks. My dad is having surgery, and I’ll be lending a hand while we recovers. I can’t claim to be overly-excited about the prospect, but hopefully it will all go ok. I am a little worried about my mental state, seeing as how I can’t be near people without flipping out, but I have high hopes that I will start feeling better any day now. Gotta have faith, right?

The kitties will be going “on vacation” with Mom and Larry, and I am happy that they will have a big house to play in for a few weeks! Pipper has been especially bad with the out-0f-litterbox peeing lately, so it will also be nice not to have to deal with that for a while. He only seems to do it in my tiny apartment that he hates, so he’s usually pretty well-behaved at Mom’s house.


My name is Pip, and I disapprove of this apartment

Anyway, hopefully it will be a good trip. I’ll miss the Minnesota snow, but it will be nice to be with my own family for Thanksgiving.